


To This Day

by Werecakes



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Other, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-06-09
Packaged: 2017-12-13 05:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werecakes/pseuds/Werecakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo grew up teased and broken inside. He left the Shire to find a better life for his young nephew to the Blue Mountains and becomes a servant to the dwarven prince, Fili. Everything seemed to settle until Bilbo's whole world is turned upside down in the fearful prospect of love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1 part left alone, 2 parts tragedy

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltun92DfnPY
> 
> WARNING: Do not watch it without tissues.

Bilbo stood with his fists clenched tight. His knees were scratched and bloodied, dirt and rock stuck deep into his skin. His elbows matched and his bleeding chin and swollen cheek a crown jewel on his sown kingdom of self. The children laughed as if his condition was a joke told over supper. 

Stupid.

Ugly.

Retarded.

Orphan.

More spilled forward day in and day out. Peeling away his young years as the shire children tore into his insides as a pack of starved wolves. He knew better than to run from them. They clutched onto fear and grabbed fistfuls, pushed and pulled, hissed and screamed. They would make it so much worse so he had to wait them out. When they would tire they would leave, shuffling away announcing that he was no longer any fun. While they smiled their devil smiles as they snuggled into warm beds Bilbo would return home. 

Quiet. 

Empty.

He would light a candle. Take in the basket of food his uncle would leave and find what was left after the other children have rampaged through taking away everything to their liking. He would sleep in a bed far too cold, in a home far too alone to be called that.

Beware of Dog signs would be taken down from his door in the morning, written in cruel children's writing.

Bilbo schooled himself. They took less interest in someone that smiled and said kind words even when they bashed their fists into him. He hid all his wounds well, kept the scent away from them as he grew up.

As a respectable adult that was all they saw. Inside he was screaming, lost in an icy ocean tossing him with such ferocity that some days he could not pull himself out of his bed. The bright morning light stung on those days and a smile would not come to his face no matter how he tried. Self preservation kept him still in his room and away from the people that tortured his soul.

Then... Frodo came into his life. The small child came home covered in scrapes and bruises and cuts that marred Bilbo still. As Frodo cried in his chair at the kitchen table, thinking he was being punished. Bilbo could do nothing but move about the house. He stuffed his money away, grabbed their most sturdy clothing and stuffed it into a bag. He grabbed blankets and one pillow that he took a rope to tie to his bag as all he could hear was hear his nephew cry and that great sea inside of him opened into a fisher and he struggled not to fall into it and claw for purchase as to not be lost in the depression and sorrow of allowing such a thing to happen once more! 

He took his lamps and threw them against the walls and floor. Grabbed Frodo onto his hip and left a burning burrow. A grand house that made others believe he was born with a silver spoon. A house that even when Frodo smiled and laughed it remained empty and cold. A hole in the ground with no comforts of home that only delivered offers of purchase of the land and a broken child to its door.

“B-bilbo?” Frodo barely managed to keep a quick trot as his uncle pulled him by his wrist. When he tripped he heard a choked sound from his uncle and he was picked up to his chest. 

Sounds of people in the shire seeing the fire started up and Bilbo was running with Frodo clutched to his heart as he fled. Running through the open glens to trees and farther still until his legs burned and he pushed, harder than before. His heart would give out before he would stop, escaping the prison that had been built by others! He continued until he collapsed and couldn’t breathe. Where he crumpled to his knees. Frodo’s little arms wrapped around Bilbo’s shoulders and the child quietly clutched as the grown hobbit held him so tight that his body ached and his shoulder became wet with tears.

To Be Continued...


	2. time passes

Bilbo did many things he was not proud of as he searched for a new place that he could settle down in and call home. He took odd jobs to make sure that Frodo was clothed and warm with a full belly. A few of the jobs left him with his skin crawling and smelling of rancid musk that he could never seem to scrub out. Other jobs left his hands red for days. After these particular jobs he would not touch Frodo beyond what he had to, scared he would infect the boy with his grotesques deeds. Eventually he had picked up a trade that made it much easier on him and he didn’t have to hide his shame from his boy. He never let Frodo see him steal, in fact he never let anyone catch him. Desperation drove it to him and he eventually found a hollow comfort in it. It kept them clothed-miss matched as the article they wore were-and warm, even he had less of a time of having his stomach rumble and Frodo’s hair was starting to become curly once more now that he was not nearly as sad because Bilbo would not hesitate now to scoop him up into a loving hug.

It was one night that was particularly bad that drove Bilbo to the great doors of the Blue Mountain. It was harsh winter that drove even the hobbits into wearing boots and as many layers as they could. Throughout the time of travel Bilbo heard of the dwarrow of Erebor. They had made a new home for themselves. Bilbo needed to make one for Frodo and if there was any place to start he would do it there.

It was two brothers that found him there one with hair and beard that formed into a star shape, the other gray haired with intricate braids. They took them in with smiles and soothing touches. Fed and clothed them in sturdy dwarven clothing. Frodo became close friends with the youngest, third, brother and Bilbo could ask no more. So, he worked to repay them for the open doors of their home. He slipped around with Nori, covered their backs when they were close to being caught, and made sure he always came home much to Ori’s delight-the young dwarf still having memories of Nori not coming back for long periods of time when he was a child. 

Ori tutored Frodo in khuzdul and common showing him how to read and write and even draw. Ori was a talented scribe that had applied to work with in the royal halls of memory. When Bilbo asked one day, “I thought khuzdul was a secret language, only other dwarrow are to hear it. Why are you teaching him it?” Ori looked at Bilbo with a mix of shock and surprise. “But you’re family, of course I must teach him. I wish you could study with us, you should learn too.” After he heard that, in so long that he has forgotten back when, Bilbo relaxed his shoulders under the odd feeling in his chest.

A few years passed and Dori had come to Bilbo with a new job. He dressed Bilbo in the finest clothing they had in the house, hurried him deeper into the mountain. They were greeted by a man with dark brown hair, he had to be roughly Ori’s age give or take a few years. His smile was bright and his dark eyes large.

“This the hobbit?” He asked leaning down to look over Bilbo already knowing the answer. “Thought hobbits walked barefoot and had curly hair.”

Bilbo didn’t answer. He had gotten used to wearing boots and his hair had been straight since he was a child.

“Never mind, thanks for bringing him Dori. Tell Ori we’re pressing his application further and should have an answer for him within a week.”

Dori nodded. “If I might ask, what will happen if it is refused?”

The young man barked a laugh. “It won’t be. If the Hall of Memory doesn’t want our Ori then they’re all being replaced.”

“Don’t be joking with me lad.” Dori looked flustered, ever the mother hen.

“I wasn’t joking.” That smile never left his lips. “Uncle knows the value of Ori more than anyone as well as Mum. By the way, they wanted him to dictate another meeting in a fortnight. Make sure he has a lot of paper, it looks like a long and boring one.”

Dori fussed a bit and pulled the young man into an excited hug before patting Bilbo on the back, eager to go home and tell everyone the news. “I’ll be back to pick you up here at the end of the day.”

Bilbo nodded and ventured a pat on Dori’s shoulder. The only sign of affection that he gave to others, his hugs and kisses reserved for Frodo. Bless them, they understood especially after Nori managed to dig up some dirt on Bilbo and whispered it to the others so Frodo would not hear.

“Come along then.” The young man strode off with Bilbo falling into step behind him. “I suppose Dori didn’t tell you much as to what you will be doing.”

“I am to meet a Fili for further instructions on the job.”

The young man turned around, walking backwards. “Wow, Dori was not joking when he said you have little trouble interacting with others. Well, we’ll fix that. I’m Kili.” He reached out and shook Bilbo’s hand not missing a stride. He then turned back around and fell into step with Bilbo and draped an arm around his shoulders. “Heard a few tales about you. I would ask if they were true but by how you are... I see they are.”

“Is this a problem?”

Kili leaned more into Bilbo and rested his head against Bilbo’s. The hobbit stiffened considerably and tried to move away. That sort of physical contact bringing up unwanted memories of back alleys and molded hay stacks. Taking the hint, Kili retracted fully. “It’s not a problem my dear hobbit. Though it may make it hard for Uncle to be around you.”

“Fili is your uncle?”

“No, he’s my brother. Thorin is my uncle.”

Bilbo frowned, “What kind of job is this?”

“Oh, right. Personal companion for the heir of the Blue Mountains.”

“Personal?” Bilbo nearly growled.

“Not that kind of companion. It’s a glorified way of saying man servant and chaperone.” Kili turned down a hallway and found a door. He didn’t bother to knock, just opened it and walked in. “Fee~! We have Master Boggins-”

“Baggins.” Bilbo corrected.

“-Baggins here.” Kili shoved Bilbo into the room and shouted out loudly when the room did not show his brother in it. “Told mum that you’re taking her out to the market today!”

“W-what?!” A blond dwarf came running out of an adjacent room, his hair soapy with a towel clutched to his front. “You said you were going to take her!”

“Too late!” Kili laughed and slammed the door shut.

“That little-! AH!” Fili dropped his towel and stormed back to the adjacent room where there was a tub of hot water. “I can’t even-!” Fili fell into the bath with a loud splash.

Bilbo wordlessly picked up the discarded towel and went into the bathroom and started to mop up the flooded floor. The blond prince mumbled and stifled curses at a brother that made promises on his behalf and never giving him enough time of warning so he could actually be prepared for things that come his way. When he was done fully bathing he was greeted by the hobbit standing ready with a robe held out for him to step into. He was a bit surprised, he had yet to tell Bilbo where to find anything.

“Thank you.” He took the robe and slipped it on.

“Of course, sir.” Then Bilbo was already setting about emptying the tub while Fili sat at his vanity to tend to his braids. A fresh change of clothing hanging to the side of it. This guy... he was really efficient.

“When did you find the time to scout out where things were kept?” Fili asked drying his hair.

“It does not take long to know where things belong, Sir.”

“You don’t need to call me that.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Fili felt a throb start at his temple. He had a feeling that his promise to help out Nori’s friend was going to cause him a bit more trouble than anticipated. Last month when the star shaped headed dwarf came to Fili with deep concerns he listened. A hobbit named Bilbo with a troubling past was now in their kingdom. He had been cast out followed by fire, was a fine burglar with a keen eye and the strangest code of conduct that consisted mostly of doing good as much as possible while never smiling. Nori assured Fili that the hobbit was a wonderful creature, an absolute joy with a small nephew that was as hungry for knowledge as Ori but as full of energy as Kili when the dwarf was Frodo’s age. Despite how happy Frodo was Bilbo still never smiled, not once and the look in Bilbo’s eyes worried Nori. He had seen it once before only to have lost a mother to the growing depression. So Fili promised he would do what he could. He after all was a soft force of nature that put a smile on to everyone’s faces by just being around.

The day was mostly spent in the markets with Dis holding onto her son’s arm and Bilbo following, carrying whatever they bought. Luckily they did not buy much, they assured him they never did. Fili explained that to keep their family safe from unwanted attention they kept their identities under wraps and are only known as a well to do family that mines with the rest of the dwarrow in the Blue Mountains. Very few beyond the ones that live inside the royal halls knew their faces and names in relation to royalty.

Dori picked up Bilbo at the end of the day and was excited to hear how mundane Bilbo’s day was as well as everyone else back in their little living quarters. The next day Bilbo had to deal with Fili and Kili acting like normal boys barely out of their teens, pushing and pulling each other. Kili would punch Fili in the arm when upset and Fili would yank Kili’s half pony tail when he was. They were very affectionate, like twins, and over the days that turned to months Bilbo became accustomed to them and their patterns. He knew when to step between them before noses got bloodied. Knew when to allow a well deserved punch. He knew when to place a comforting hand on the shoulder of one of them when they were sad and even allowed them to hug him on two or three occasions.

Then one morning Bilbo found himself stuck in a room with a fuming Fili. He was absolutely livid and for good reason. Kili had decided he needed to venture out into the world on his own without telling anyone he was going. What was worse was that he took Ori with him as well as a youngster named Gimli. 

“You thick headed brat!” Fili yelled stomping around the room with a letter clutched in his hand. He didn’t notice Bilbo’s eye twitch at the names being called. “When I get my hands on that- that-! AH!!! I won’t even let him see mother and uncle, they can have the scraps left after I tear into that stupid boy!”

“He’s not stupid!”

Fili stopped and turned to the hobbit that had been silently standing where he always stood when they were in Fili’s room, hands behind his back and at attention. The sudden outburst made the older brother fume in Bilbo’s face. “He left with little supplies with a boy and a scribe that barely knows anything beyond the doors to the Blue Mountain. How is _that_ not stupid?!” He roared.

“He needs to learn beyond the walls or he will not understand. He has been under so many wings within this mountain he doesn’t know how to fly and he’s desperate to know who he is. That is not stupid.” Bilbo set his jaw. He hated name calling.

“You-” Fili stopped when Bilbo’s eye flinched. His rage subsided and he could see the hobbit pale, looking sickly. He moved his hand up to Bilbo’s face to see if he was ill only to have the halfling jerk his head away and look to the hand too close for comfort.

“Do you think I would strike you?” Fili asked softly.

Bilbo didn’t answer but took a step away from the prince, his hands still behind his back. He could see now, Bilbo was not sick he was frightened down to his core and was trying to stay strong. Frightened of Fili’s rage, scared of being harmed.

The blond grabbed Bilbo’s shoulders. He dipped his head down and looked at Bilbo with stone hard blue eyes. “You listen to me Bilbo Baggins. I would never willingly harm you. And if anyone raises their hand against you, come to me.”

The hobbit looked wary for a long time before opening his mouth. “I appreciate what you offer, sir. I am at your disposal.”

Fili sighed bowing his head low. Still, always being called sir by Bilbo. “Bilbo... you seem to not understand me.” He looked at the hobbit, eyes much softer. He gently shook Bilbo’s shoulders. “It is not an offer. You are my friend and I will make sure you are taken care of as I do with all my friends.”

Bilbo processed this. He... never had a friend before. He didn’t know how to act around friends. But... if Fili was giving him a sort of courtesy than he could return the same. “Send a few trackers to shadow Kili and his group. Have them keep their distance unless harm is to come to Kili, Ori, and Gimli. This will allow Kili to grow as well as keep him safe.”

Fili’s bright face smiled. “Bilbo Baggins, there is a lot to you, more than you let on. Come, we must tell uncle of your idea.” He slapped Bilbo’s shoulder in a friendly way and strode out of the room with Bilbo quick on his heels.

They went into a room where Dis was nearly screaming with how upset she was that her little boy had left nothing but a few letters. Thorin stood by a desk piled with papers and ink wells. He was rubbing his forehead while trying to deal with his sister’s distress and nephew’s foolishness. At the sudden company in the room the two adults looked to Fili and Bilbo.

“I take it you got a letter as well.” Thorin’s deep voice showed his disappointment.

“Yes and...” Fili looked to Bilbo. “We believe we have some advice to give. We know Kili will do what he wants, he’s headstrong that way. But if we send out trackers to keep an eye on him and his little group we can rest assured that they will not come to harm and they may be able to have their little adventure.”

Dis let out a long sigh happy to have something for them to do about their situation. “I’ll go and find as skilled trackers as we have. Come along, son, I trust your judgement with these men.”

Fili followed his mother and Bilbo trailing behind. Thorin’s voice called to them. “Fili. Leave your servant.”

“His name is Bilbo, uncle.” Fili huffed. He looked to Bilbo, “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Yes,sir.”

When the left Thorin spoke again. “Shut the door.”

Bilbo did as told, finding a spot to stand in with his hands behind his back. Thorin watched him carefully. They were quiet. Thorin coming up to Bilbo and walking a tight circle around the hobbit, looking him up and down. He took several steps back and ran his fingers through his well trimmed beard. 

“The trackers were your idea was it not?” He asked.

Bilbo did not answer. He didn’t feel inclined to take credit for something simple that would have been thought of eventually.

“Fili is a good boy, so is Kili, but they do not think things through. An impulse that they inherited from their mother. I know none of them would have thought of trackers shadowing the boys.” He scratched at his beard. “It was good advice. I thank you for it.”

Bilbo nodded.

“You talk less than Dwalin.” Thorin let a smirk pull at his lips. He moved forward, eyes on the flat locks of hair on Bilbo’s head. His hand went up and Bilbo stepped back.

“I would appreciate it if you would not touch me, sir.”

Thorin blinked a few times. That sounded... He sighed. Fili and his big heart. He always was trying to figure out how to help people that had a hard time smiling to relearn how to live life. He was the one that managed to get Dis and Thorin to smile again after Dis’ husband passed and Frenir died. 

“I meant no harm.” Thorin placed a knuckle to his lips as he thought. “I heard once that all hobbits have curly hair.”

“They do.”

“Then why is yours straight?” He mumbled. As expected he did not get an answer. He then turned on his heel and walked over to his desk. He grabbed a piece of paper and took it over to Bilbo. “Tell me. What would you make of this?” He handed the paper to the hobbit.

Bilbo took it and looked it over. He tilted his head, eyebrows knitting together. He wasn’t the best at reading. Because of his youth he stayed away from most people and had to learn how to read on his own, but it gave him the necessary skill to pick up on learning how to read khuzdul without having to be taught.

Thorin waited, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched the hobbit. There was a sudden animation in the man, his face different from stone and he was engrossed. Though slow as he he could tell from when Bilbo’s eyes would shift from word to word, Thorin could tell that the man liked to read.

“Well?” Thorin asked sharply.

“It makes little sense. Why would the dwarrow of the Iron Hills request for supplies when there are establishments closer that could assist?” Bilbo shifted up against Thorin’s side and pointed to a part that was written in khuzdul. “This particular statement would be only for the sole reason for them to make advancement to see how your mining is going. It looks underhanded as if they are trying to gain claims when there is none to be.”

“What would you reply?”

“As Nori would say, ‘a stab in the back is a stab in the back.’ This is one waiting to happen. Refusal would cause political struggle. I would reply that they are welcome for the supplies but you need something of theirs in return. Think of something that the Iron hills have that is rare for other parts and request supplies of that. This way while they have a man poking through your house you have your own doing the same.”

Thorin took the paper. “That is good advice.”

“Bilbo?” The door opened and Fili’s golden mane lit up against the dark colored door. “Got word from Dori that Frodo is having some ‘difficulty’ being away from Ori. He would like you to go home and handle the boy.”

“If I may.”

Fili opened the door and rolled his eyes. “Just get out of here before the boy tears down your home.”

Bilbo nodded and swiftly left.

“He is way too damn proper.” Fili grumbled.

“But he has good advice it would be best to listen to what he says.” Thorin smiled.

This caused Fili to raise his eyebrow in question. Thorin rarely smiled.


	3. what it means to be uncles

While Ori was away Frodo had become more excitable to the point he was completely out of Dori’s control and Bilbo had to spank the boy on more than a few times. It was something he didn’t like doing, not in the slightest but the child had to learn that throwing someone’s prized dishes against the wall was not okay. Nor was taking scissors to bed sheets and throwing food on the ground. When Bilbo was off at work Frodo would do worse things, once even nearly lighting the house on fire. Dori managed to put it out and grab the boy by his arm and drag the wailing child all the way through the mountain tracking down Fili and Bilbo who had been in the training fields just outside. The old dwarf huffed and shoved Frodo to Bilbo’s side and very sternly told the hobbit exactly what he had caught the boy doing.

This infuriated Bilbo. He yelled at the boy, and gave him a sharp slap across the cheek. Everyone had gone silent, even Frodo. Bilbo never had lashed out before. Never had yelled like that before.

“What were you thinking?!” Bilbo screamed shaking Frodo’s shoulders with a sharp jerk. “Do you have any idea what could have happened?!”

“Bilbo-” Fili started up.

“You could have died! You could have killed Dori and Nori in that fire if it spread!! Is that what you want?!”

“Bilbo!” Fili took the hobbit’s wrist and pulled him away from the stunned child. He looked Bilbo in the eye. “You got your point across.”

Then Frodo was crying, not a wail of defiance as before but of true sorrow. Bilbo didn’t hesitate, he pulled his arm free from the dwarf prince and picked up Frodo and held him close. He whispered over and over again that he was sorry, pressing his face to the black curly hair. Dori’s hand pressed against Bilbo’s back in a reassuring touch. The hobbit turned to him. “I am so sorry. I-”

The dwarf smiled. “He’s learned his lesson, no one is harmed. I just wish I knew why he was acting this way.”

Fili snapped some command to the dwarrow that were staring at the little family for them to continue on. Then came to a decision. “We’ll call it a day. Go home Bilbo.”

“No, sir, I need the money.” Bilbo said, the first time any of them had heard a pleading tone in the man’s voice.

“Fine... we’ll spend the day inside.” He lowered himself to look at Frodo who was now sniffling and rubbing an eye while leaning heavily against Bilbo’s shoulder. “I wish we could have met at a better time. My name is Fili.”

“F-Frodo Baggins.” He reached a little hand out and shook the dwarf’s, doing as his uncle had always taught him. Manners.

Dori was invited to come with them as they all went back inside the mountain, finding a little sitting area where Bilbo lit a fire in the hearth and left to gather refreshments that Fili asked for. He went down to one of the many kitchens, one that was hardly ever used but well stocked only to find Thorin inside with two or three other dwarrow bustling about. The man had his hair completely tied back and was stirring a pot. It was disarming to see the powerful heir in simple common clothing looking all the world as if he belonged in that one room.

When the door shut behind Bilbo Thorin looked up. Trailed his eyes up and down Bilbo as they have each and every time they would pass each other in the halls or Thorin simply called upon Fili for one reason or another. “Everyone leave, Master Baggins, stay.” He simply quipped. 

The servants did as ordered and shuffled out, not at all surprised as if Thorin did this often. The room fell silent, the only noise being the spoon rolling over the bottom of the pot that Thorin kept a constant stir on.

“You can get what you have come in here for Master Baggins. No need to wait for my permission, it is a public kitchen in the mountain.”

Bilbo hesitated for a moment before placing a kettle over one of the many stoves that were still warm, stoked the flames and set about preparing a good sized tray of many things for everyone to enjoy upon his return.

“You’re hair is straighter.” Thorin suddenly said.

“I beg your pardon, sir?” Bilbo asked softly in the middle of cutting a slice of carrot in the shape of a flower. 

“You’re hair. I thought it was straight before but it has steadily gotten straighter over time. Dori says that your nephew though has the tightest curls.”

“Not as of recently, sir.”

“Is he having troubles?”

“I..” Bilbo put down the knife and pushed it away from himself. That fisher inside of him had opened wider over time and he was certain he was growing weary of holding on. 

A wooden spoon was held in front of him. A hand under the spoon to catch any drops that may drip. Bilbo looked to Thorin who didn’t move from his offered possition. “Tell me what you think.”

Bilbo looked at Thorin for a good long while before slowly opening his mouth a little, allowing the dwarf to slip the wooden spoon into his mouth. There was not a burst of flavor, more of a mild warmth that allowed the taste to slowly grow. Bilbo’s eyes flew open and he blinked rapidly as the spoon was pulled loose from his lips. His hand raised to his mouth and he looked at Thorin with surprise. “Th-that is delicious, sir.”

Thorin’s eyes gave a rare smile as his lips softened. “Join me for a bowl.”

“I-”

“While your kettle boils and your tea steeps, of course.”

Bilbo nodded his head, “Of course.”

Soon they were sitting at the end of a counter on stools with a bowl of stew each and large bread roll torn in half. Thorin watched Bilbo as he quietly ate with an occasional hum of approval for the soup that was not quite a stew. He reached over and flicked a lock of hair at the very top of Bilbo’s head causing the halfling to jerk from the sudden touch.

“You have a curl.” Thorin said simply, not moving his hand away as he rolled the lock of hair between his fingers. “Peculiar. Your hair curls when you are content.”

Bilbo felt a heat in his cheeks.

“Tell me, what has happened to make your hair so straight?”

Bilbo sighed, his shoulder sagging as he stirred his spoon around in his bowl forgetting Thorin was touching his hair. His thoughts on how troublesome Frodo has been. “I believe Frodo is acting out due to the absence of Ori and myself. I have never truly left the boy by himself for so long before and when I had started the job of personal companion to your nephew Ori filled in the gap I had left behind.”

“He did something today.”

“My hair tells you that much?” Bilbo forgot himself. Left the proper and stuffy way of talk behind as if he was talking to Dori and Nori. Talking to someone that was on the same level as him.

“That and you look more tired than usual. You shoulders look about to break under the weight you are carrying.”

The hobbit sighed heavily getting up when the kettle whistled. He poured the hot water into a teapot and then two stray cups that had tea leaves waiting. Once done he put the teapot on the tray and slid the tea cups over to Thorin and his own empty seat. “I’m afraid that breaking dishes, cutting up linens, and throwing chairs over was not enough. Dori found him trying to catch the house on fire.”

Thorin scratched his beard. “I see.”

“I fear I have gone too far in punishment though... I had been so frightened over the prospect that I could have lost him that I did not think.”

“Slapped him?”

Bilbo nodded.

“I slapped Fili once.”

“Why?”

“He had tied Kili to a rope and was lowering him down into an abandoned mineshaft. They had been trying to search for their father, not yet understanding what death meant. They could have gotten hurt, lost, or worse.” Thorin pushed his mostly empty bowel away from him in favor of taking the tea cup and sipping at the hot liquid. “... I don’t believe I have had this blend before.”

“Old shire recipe.” Bilbo thumbed the edge of his cup. It was one of the few things he learned that was of any good from the shire. 

“It’s good... you’ll have to show me how to make it someday.”

Bilbo nodded. “I should... return to my duties.”

“Large load you have.”

“Master Fili is entertaining Frodo and Dori.”

Thorin got up, grabbed Bilbo’s cup as well as his own and placed them on the large tray and picked it up. “If you would get the door.”

“I-yes, sir.” Bilbo scurried to the door and opened it for Thorin. He ushered the man to the room that the others were waiting in. 

He was always a quiet thing, Bilbo Baggins. So when he opened the door no one noticed his presence and continued their conversation. Fili sat on the floor with Frodo on his lap playing with some toys, Dori sitting in a comfortable chair. 

“-never smiles.” Frodo’s little voice carried through the room. “It’s not nice.”

“It’s not nice that he never smiles at all or is it does not feel good because you want him to smile?” Fili asked softly.

“...It doesn’t feel good.” Frodo confessed. “And sometimes he cries in his sleep. I try to pet his hair because it helps me when he does that to me but... he still cries. I think his nightmares are bad.”

“That’s okay. My uncle never smiles too and he used to shout in his sleep. ‘Frerin get back here’,” Fili deepened his voice to mock his uncle in a silly way that made Frodo look up and almost laugh. “But you know what I did?”

“No.”

“I stroked his hair too and told him I loved him every single day until he did smile again. He doesn’t do it often but each smile is all the more special.”

“Do you think I can do that?”

“You love your uncle don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“That doesn’t sound like a lot of love to me.” Fili teased.

“No, no!” Frodo got up and stood in front of Fili stretching out his arms as wide as he can. “I love him this much!!”

“This much?” Fili opened his arms only half way. 

“More~”

Fili opened his arms wider. “This much?”

“No! More!”

The blond’s grin was large as he thrust his arms as far as he could mimicking the boy. “More than this much!”

“Yes!”

Bilbo didn’t see Thorin move. Only heard the soft sound of the tray being placed down. He felt Thorin’s chest against his shoulder as he reached out and pulled the door shut with a silent click. The hobbit stood still, swallowing hard. A hand brushed over his head and he buried his face into Thorin’s chest, arms wrapping around the man as he clutched tight. His world was swimming. He didn’t understand. He loved his little nephew more than life itself but how could he love him back? He allowed him to get bullied, he took Frodo from Bag End and out into the wild cold. He touched him with soiled hands and kissed him with rotten lips.

“Shh, shh,” warm hands stroked his back and he stifled a sob as he realised he was crying.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

It was some time before Kili returned. True to his word Frodo told Bilbo every day that he loved him, even ran up to strang dwarrow and pointed at his uncle and proudly proclaimed it as loud as he could. His behavior was significantly better, especially since Frodo came with him to his job and he got to play with Fili. When there was important business to be done Dori would collect the boy and all was well. Thorin would now stop in the hallways and exchange idle chatter with Bilbo and would still, each time, look him from head to toe. Then one day he gave Bilbo a book. At first he didn’t accept it, but Thorin insisted.

Then Kili returned, he was shocked at the appearance of Frodo and proclaimed him to be a little hobbit version of Thorin. He quickly grew attached to the little boy and preoccupied him with stories of his adventures while Ori baby sat in his time off from the Hall of Memories as he had done before Kili decided to use his princely status to nab Ori for a while.

One day Bilbo, when he got off of his duties, he did not go home immediately. He held the book that Thorin had given him and quietly sought the dwarf out. He found him in his usual study, pouring over paperwork. He did not notice it was Bilbo at first until that usual silence that followed the hobbit filled the room. He turned around in his seat, “Yes?”

“The book you gave me...” Bilbo looked bashful, feeling his heart thump in his chest from embarrasment.

“Have you finished it?”

“N...no.” Bilbo looked ashamed. “I have come to return it nonetheless, sir.”

Thorin got up and walked across the room. “Only return it when you are finished.”

“I can’t finish it.”

“So you have started. Then what is the problem?”

Bilbo took a deep breath and squared his jaw. It wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, after all he could read better than half the servants in the Blue Mountains. “It is a little troublesome to read. I’m afraid you give me too much credit for my education.”

Thorin tilted his head. “Yet you can read political letters.”

“Not... necessarily.” Bilbo admitted. “I can read enough to understand what is meant, but I do not know enough to... to read a comprehensive storyline.”

Thorin smiled softly. Looking at the curls slowly shaping the once straight hair. He looked more natural this way.

“Come.” Thorin took them away from the writing desk to two seats across from one another by a fire. He moved one of the seats so that the two were side by side. He gestured Bilbo to take a seat and he did. 

“Where have you left off?” Thorin asked taking the seat next to him.

Bilbo carefully opened the book, only a page and a half in. He felt so ashamed about this and wanted nothing more than to close the book and walk away. Thorin though, was a sturdy rock beside him and since that day when Thorin comforted him through his fit of sorrowful confusion he unwittingly clung onto him for support.

And thus, Thorin started to teach Bilbo how to properly read.


	4. nothing lasts forever

Bilbo felt better about himself. When this happened, he couldn’t place a finger on. It was one day that he was standing in the out of the way kitchen watching Thorin roll dough between his palms that he realized; he was content with this life. He had a good job for quite some time, Frodo was nearing his teenage years and was well educated. He held himself with a sense of pride, and his black hair was in tight curls showing how very happy the boy was. Bilbo was more than glad that the money he poured into the household was used to expand the rock dwelling and replace broken things with rather sturdy and nice ones. Nori was in jail less and actually was employed by the Blue Mountain Guard to patrol for information that may be beneficial to the royal family dwelling within. Dori was retiring from the laundry services and much grateful for the over stuffed seat that Bilbo had scrimped and saved for the dwarf’s birthday that year. Ori spent most of his times in the Hall of Memories and was quickly climbing the social rung and was closing on becoming the Head Shaperate having already been present to scribe the royal meetings. He was what Frodo wanted to be, that or a royal adviser which Frodo was more than confident that Bilbo would become one day.

He had discovered more about Fili and how he was very picky with any woman he looked to while Kili was smitten over any pretty set of eyes that batted at him. Fili liked dark haired women with round figures. He admitted at one time that he wanted a large family, as many children as his wife could possibly bare and possibly even adopt a few that have lost their parents. So he looked for good birthing hips. Bilbo did not want to ask how Fili learned about birthing hips.

Bilbo also found out that Thorin was quite the accomplished cook but he only cooked while he was deep in thought. The smells of the food, the actions of chopping, grilling, baking, it all soothed his mind and allowed him further insight of what he was to do about a situation. When he was completely stumped he would talk to Bilbo about it quite casually. A friend to a friend. Though still formal, Bilbo was regarded as an equal to the king. And in his time being the personal companion to a prince Bilbo had found a home. A soft one full of smiles and laughter. It was what he only read stories about. He wouldn’t trade it for the world. This was a good life.

Suddenly Thorin threw his ball of dough hard on the granite countertop. “I just don’t-” He growled. His particular problem today was something Bilbo had been dealing with for a few months.

“Are you sure she doesn’t know?” Thorin asked, looking at Bilbo. The kitchen empty save for the two of them.

“Quite, sir.” Bilbo lifted the top of a teapot and took a breath checking by aroma if the tea had steeped long enough. He deemed it so, and poured two cups. Handing one to Thorin before taking one for himself.

“I fear what she will say when she finds out who he really is...” Thorin’s shoulders pressed down with a distressed slump. Fili had tried to court a woman before, twice before actually, but he had his heart broken badly when one became very greedy and he had to break up with her while the other one just left.

“He is quite confident in this one.” Bilbo rolled up his sleeves and motioned to the dough that still needed to be worked. “May I, sir?”

Thorin moved to the side and let Bilbo take over. “This dwarrowdam... have you met her?”

“I have.”

“What is she like?”

Bilbo searched through his mind. “Dark hair, almond shaped hazel eyes. Not much hair on her chin and lip but pretty braids on her jaw. Round face, round hips, not too fond of dresses and has a wicked throw.”

“A wicked throw?”

“Yes, sir. My first meeting upon her was when she threw a chair at a shoplifter, tangled in his legs quite accurately.” Bilbo shook his head trying to get his curls out of his face.

“Sounds like a female Kili.” Thorin said absently.

“I dare say she is.” Bilbo winced when a curl hit him in the eye. Thorin wiped his hands and pulled out a handkerchief that he folded and put it over Bilbo’s forehead, holding back the unruly bangs. “Thank you, sir.”

Thorin smiled, sitting down on a stool. “Your hair is very curly.”

“It is an adjustment had to get used to,” Bilbo said absently as his palms worked.

“I’m glad you’re happy.”

Bilbo paused, looked to Thorin and felt his lips twitch. The king’s face turned an odd color and he looked away, mumbling about the summer heat getting to him in the hot kitchen.

“Would you like me to fetch you some cold water, sir?” Bilbo asked honestly.

“No. I’ll be fine. Back to this girl. What is her name?”

“Madam Dvalin.” Bilbo blinked a little. “I... I apologize, I do not remember her first name.”

“D-Dvalin?!”

The hobbit jerked at the sudden outburst of shock from the king. Thorin jumped up to his feet, grabbed Bilbo by the shoulders and gave a good shake, “Are you sure?”

“Quite sure, sir.” Bilbo squeaked never having seen the King in such sorts. “This name is significant to you. How so?”

“I will tell you at another time. For now I must ask you something not as a friend but as a King.”

Bilbo held the ball of dough tight in his hands. “Yes my lord.”

“Find out everything you know of her and her family. Leave nothing unsettled.”

“How am I to do that when I am to be with Fili?”

“I’ll... I’ll think of something.” Thorin stepped away and ran his hands through his tied back hair. At Bilbo’s concerned look he confessed. “This could be either very good, or very bad. We must be careful.”

“May I employee Nori into our services, my lord?”

“Yes, but do not tell him what it is for.”

“Of course, sire.”

That night Bilbo fell asleep in a communal room after dinner. Fili was talking with Kili while Ori, Dori, Nori and Frodo talked over how their days had been. Bilbo had been much more tired than he thought himself to be after he was ushered out by Thorin and into the market to trek around for as much information he could gather. As a result he didn’t return until well into the night where he was instantly summoned by the king where he gave what little he had gathered for having just half a day’s worth of time. The girl was average. The family moved there and set up shop. Not much else. So he was given a late dinner in the kitchens and was summoned once more by Fili who had grown worried as to his companion’s whereabouts. When he went to tell the prince he was on an errand for the king he was greeted by his adopted family all waiting and worried. Bilbo was like clock work, so when he did not come home straight after dusk they had grown concerned.

He’s errand excuse sated them for now and they took the opportunity to visit with one another having missed each other quite frequently now that their jobs take them from home for longer than before. This was where Bilbo was ushered to sit in a soft seat as he was not on duty and encouraged to relax. He had not realized he had fallen asleep until after he was being shaken awake by Kili.

“Bilbo. If you’re too tired to go home we can offer you a bed here.” Kili offered.

“Oh-oh no, I am sorry that I fell asleep. Forgive me, sir.”

“You’re never going to drop that ‘sir’ are you?”

“I’m afraid not, sir.” Bilbo rubbed at his tired eyes.

“What was Thorin making you do all day?” Kili sat on the armrest of the chair. “Was he making you go and get one those really rare ingredients again? I swear he gets a recipe in his head and that’s all he can focus on. You know one time I was so desperate for his attention when he was working in the kitchen I shaved off my eyebrows and proclaimed myself an elf to get him to look at me.”

“I believe I was told you were also missing a few teeth that had just been loosened the prior day.” Bilbo’s lips twitched once more. 

“Holy.”

“What?”

“No-no!” Kili moved back. “Do that again!!”

“Do what again?”

“Fili did you see it?!” Kili was bouncing now.

“See what?” The blond looked up from where he was packing his pipe.

“NO!” Kili looked around. “Tell me someone else saw that.”

“Saw what?” Nori asked where he was showing Frodo some lock picking tools. 

Kili groaned. “He smiled!”

“What?” This got everyone’s attention. They all crowded around.

Bilbo did not smile. Not even once. Frodo doesn’t even remember the last time he saw his uncle’s lips curl up. Kili pushed his fingers into the corners of Bilbo’s mouth, moving them up. “It was like this but more like an actual smile and not like he looks like he’s about to throw up.”

“You must be imagining it.” Ori said. “I can’t even sketch him into having a smile, his face doesn’t work like that.”

“No, I’m not lying. He did smile. I was talking about uncle and he smiled.”

“Funny.” Fili folded his arms over one of the armrests of the chair they crowded and rested his chin on his arms. “I remember the same with uncle. Interesting how first Bilbo gets uncle to smile, now uncle is getting him to.”

“Oh don’t joke about that.” Dori fussed. “You and your romance stories.”

Bilbo felt his cheeks turn bright red. Oh makers above they were taking things out of context. Thorin and him were friends. Just friends.

“Does that mean I’ll have an uncle for a king?” Bilbo asked Fili. The child having had heard **way** to many of Fili’s stories.

“Maybe-”

“Oh come now!” Bilbo blurted, getting up and having to step over Fili rather ungracefully. “If I knew you would fill his head with nonsense I wouldn’t have allowed him to spend so much time with you. Frodo. Let us go home.”

“Oooo, you’re in trouble.” Kili teased his brother. “Lets hope that Thorin feels you still need your ears by the end of tomorrow.”

Bilbo rolled his eyes and left the room with his nephew shouting a tease at Fili as well as they closed the door. They were a good lot, but frustrating at times.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Several weeks passed with Bilbo and Nori trying to gather information. There really was not much to go on, eventually Nori had to leave the Blue Mountains to track back to where the dwarrowdam had once lived to try to see if there was any more information to get or if they already found all to know. They were a good family. Enjoyed simple things when it came to precious gems and metals. They crafted fine works that were not elaborate making their products rare and highly sought after. The woman was a lovely thing, and the more Bilbo got to know her the more she really was like a female Kili. The attraction that Fili had for her worried Bilbo a little, but considering how close the man was to his brother, it was strangely understandable.

One day he was walking to the Dvalin Shop to get to know the girl better, not yet ready to admit she was his friend, when a familiar voice spoke up.

“Now that is something I have not seen in awhile.”

Bilbo’s felt his heart stop. No. He didn’t hear it. He straightened his chin and walked briskly, continuing his path only to have a hand placed on his back. “Hey beautiful. Missed you in Bree.”

Bilbo yanked himself away from the large hand that made his skin crawl. He hated that hand, hated it more than he hated himself for allowing it to touch him for coin so long ago.

“Curly hair suites you.” The human smirked down at him. “Nice clothes too. You look...” He leaned down and smelled the top of the hobbit’s head making a groaning sound that made Bilbo want to vomit. “very nice. Found a good bed to be in or are you part of the brothel? Wouldn’t mind being with you again.”

“Never. Speak to me. Again.” Bilbo growled out. He went to walk away but his wrist was caught.

“Fiery as always.” The man grinned.

Bilbo yanked his wrist free. “Touch me again. I stick you.”

The man only smirked and Bilbo stormed off. He went past the Dvalin Shop, stormed through the streets, weaving around in and around shops, easily falling back into a well known routine back in the days when he did not want the ones that used his body to follow him back to where Frodo slept. He went home. Calmly locked himself in his room and very calmly over turned his dresser. He threw things that were breakable feeling a sickening rage well up inside of him.

How did he find him? That bastard!! He bought Bilbo, night, after night, after night, chasing off other customers so he was the only option. The feel of his mouth, the feel of his body against Bilbo’s. He could still feel it, could still hear his dirty whispers of how he preferred Bilbo over desperate children on the streets.

Bilbo threw up. The violent dry heave punched his breakfast out onto the floor. He continued to empty his stomach when Dori started knocking on his door. “Bilbo!” He tried the door to find it locked. “Bilbo open up!”

“What’s the matter?” Ori’s voice. He must have just gotten home for lunch. The room seemed so small, but so big now. Bilbo stumbled and fell to his knees. He just needed to collect himself, just needed some time. He could beat this. He would not let that man get in the way of him and Frodo having a good home.

“I don’t know.” Dori admitted. “He came home, looked normal, went into his room and then started throwing things.”

“Maybe he’s hurt. We should break the door down.”

“No!” Frodo jumped between the dwarrow and the door. “Leave him alone!”

“We’re only concerned for him. What if he’s hurt?” Dori asked.

“He’ll be okay.” Frodo sat on the floor showing he wasn’t budging. “Just give him some time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry...


	5. a choice to make

Bilbo kept an eye out for the human even when he was inside the safety of the mountain. He kept a small blade tucked in his boot and one in his belt in case he had to defend himself. As time ticked on he did not relax, he only got more upset causing his hair to straighten once more. Many times he was asked what was wrong and he would not answer. It was a terrible business of his own making, there was no call to pull someone else inside it. He went back to old habits of little touching, barely talking, only caring after Frodo. 

He still had his duty to do and carried on with it with great pride, but kept his fingers close to the handle of the small metal tooth tucked in his belt whenever he was in the markets. He waited for that human to show himself at any moment, somewhat pleased for the night when they were locked behind solid doors and he did not see that filth.

One day, he was with Kili, Dori, and Frodo picking up a few things. Dori was talking with a nice toy maker by the name of Bifur while Kili looked at new arrowheads at a different stall when Bilbo realized he had lost sight of Frodo. Panic gripped his throat, squeezing his breath out of his lungs.

Where was Frodo?!

He whirled around, scanning the crowd. Eyes wild and searching for his boy. He was the perfect age for that sick bastard.

Then he saw him. The man was kneeling in front of Frodo, a smile that passed as charming in society on his lips. Frodo was talking excitedly, then pointed over to Bilbo. The man held up a hand and waved. He moved to touch Frodo’s shoulders but Bilbo was in a dead run at them. He grabbed Frodo quickly, yanking him hard away from the man.

“Don’t you touch him!” He hissed.

“No way to talk to an old friend.” He said pulling himself up from his knees. “Your, _lovely_ nephew was just telling me about all your accomplishments.”

“Frodo find Dori and Kili.” Bilbo pushed the child to the side.

“But-”

“Get them **NOW**!”

Frodo hurried off, trying to find the adults. Leaving Bilbo behind with a very angry looking human. 

“Personal companion to a prince.” He frowned. He reached out for Bilbo. The hobbit grabbing his small knife and lashing out at him. He easily grabbed Bilbo’s wrist and squeezed hard causing the knife to fall. “Riding that lap of luxury seems to have dulled your abilities hobbit. **_My_** hobbit. Do you know how long I’ve looked for you? Only to find out that you’re some whining prince’s dog to fuck!” He spat on Bilbo’s cheek in disgust. “You come here, tonight. If not I’ll find your little nephew again, and this time you won’t see us.”

He then grabbed Bilbo by the chin, his grip hard. He leaned down and crashed his lips against Bilbo’s in a desperate show of dominance. Then shoved him onto the ground and stormed off.

“You okay?” He heard Kili come up to him. The dwarf helped him up off of the ground.

Bilbo wiped the spit from his cheek. Bilbo wiped at his mouth with his sleeve, grinding in the soft material in hopes to get the feeling of those lips off.

“I’m fine.” He said with a growl.

“I take it, that it’s because of that bastard you’re upset.” Kili helped dust Bilbo off, Dori and Frodo coming up only a few seconds later.

“Take what you wish as for I, I must take Frodo home.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What do you mean?” Fili looked up from his studies to Kili, his usual smile gone.

“You heard me.” Kili’s own chocolate brown eyes were a hateful black. “I over heard the bastard say that Bilbo belonged to him. Nori did tell us a long time ago that Bilbo had it rough, tried to escape a controlling life. I think it’s more like a controlling _wife_ considering that man has no fucking balls. Treating Bilbo like property.” 

“What else did you manage to over hear?”

“That’s it.”

“What do you think we can do?”

“Aside for locking Bilbo in the Blue Mountains. Not much.”

“Then we keep an eye on Bilbo until we can find something to charge this man with. Then he can be arrested and someone’s new pet in prison.” Fili’s lip was curled in a snarl.

“Having people look at your every move is stupid.” Kili kicked at the wall. “We should just kill the guy and get it over with.”

“We can’t, not until he commits a crime in our lands punishable by death.”

“Stupid.”

“Very stupid.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bilbo held Frodo on his lap though the boy was big and not nearly as small as he was when they first came to their new family. He whispered soft things to the boy, kissing his temple and forehead.

“You know I love you, right?” He asked.

“Yes. I love you too.”

“And you’re always a good boy.” Bilbo felt his voice slip. He stroked Frodo’s hair as he cleared his throat. “And you make sure Dori is well taken care of. Make sure Ori becomes the Head Shaperate because, you know him... he doesn’t think he’s good enough.” He swallowed. “And you’ll give Nori extra hugs and kisses every time you see him come home, okay?”

“I will.” Frodo was quite, his arms wrapped around his uncle’s shoulders. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but Bilbo would tell him something similar when he had to leave for a night before they came here. He never came home happy.

He kissed Frodo’s temple again. Holding the boy tight. “Oh, I love you so much.” He squeezed then rubbed and pat Frodo’s back.

The young hobbit jumped down. He watched as Bilbo went about the house, moving some things into Ori, Dori, and Nori’s separate rooms while two slept and the other was away. He then ruffled Frodo’s hair. 

“Come home soon.” Frodo said sadly following his uncle to the door. 

Bilbo forced a smile on his lips. “You’re a good lad.”

The door shut and Bilbo’s smile fell, broke like fragile glass. He took in a deep breath, wiped at his eyes and held his head up high. There were three other people he must speak to first before he set out.

He went to see Kili first, but he was gone. Fili was missing as well. It sank his heart. He had really wished to have said goodbye. Either way he left a gift for each of them in their rooms. Then he went to the last place knowing where to find him.

Thorin was hunched over his writing desk with a pot of tea half drank and some scones within reach. He always did work late. The ever dutiful king.

“Sire...”

Thorin lifted his head, looking to the door. “Quiet as ever Master Baggins. Come in.”

Bilbo closed the door behind him.

“What do you make of this?” Thorin asked as he leaned back in his chair, one hand rubbing at his neck. “Rohan is trying to attempt to barter with us, but they are a horse country with vast planes and little value for us.”

“What are they requesting?”

“Gold mostly, they need support, but they are also requesting armor and weapons. Orcs have been attacking around the edges of their land.”

“In return for your support request some of their land and ponies. The land can be turned into farms, if not then a ranch for ponies so that your armies may have mounts.”

Thorin chuckled. “Always know what to say. Why haven’t I taken you as advisor yet?”

Bilbo took in a long breath and exhaled it through his nose. Thorin had arranged it that when Fili takes the crown Bilbo would be his advisor, but at this moment...

“What is wrong?”

“May I speak to you as a friend sire?”

“Of course. Always.” Thorin moved in his seat, looking Bilbo straight on.

Bilbo opened his mouth, then closed it. He choked on his words. Here was the man that showed him what family was really like. Thorin could relate to him as an uncle. He had taught him how to read properly, he had gifted him with warmth in his chest and even saw his first smile.

He took Thorin’s hands into his own and squeezed tight. “I am eternally grateful for your friendship.” He choked out. “Be good. Be kind. Gold is no good unless you spend it on those who need help. Be a simple kind of man and your kingdom will flourish. You will gain many allies and pass the greatest kingdom to be known to Fili who will be just as good a king as you.”

“Bilbo why are you saying this?” Thorin’s brows furrowed with worry. He frowned, moving his hands from Bilbo’s to his arms. The hobbit was saying goodbye. Why? “Where are you going?”

Bilbo shook his head. His heart shattering to pieces seeing the desperation on the king’s face. “I can’t say.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

The hobbit moved suddenly, his mouth over Thorin’s. The king hesitated before opening his mouth, tongue battling with the halfling’s. His heart drummed against his chest as his arms encircled Bilbo’s smaller body. He searched for an answer in Bilbo’s mouth as lovely fingers tangled in his hair.

The kiss broke, their panting breath mingling. He moved to kiss Bilbo again but the hobbit pulled away with a broken apology. “I can’t. I’m sorry, I can’t. If I kiss you again, I won’t be able to leave.”

“Why are you going?” Thorin felt hurt. 

“Never tell Frodo this. You tell him I love him no matter what. That I’m doing this because I love him. But you must trust me and let me leave.”

“I will.” Thorin hugged Bilbo tight. “Do you... will you come back?”

“I will try.” Bilbo stepped away. His arm slipped against Thorin’s, their hands holding as the last strands of this wonderful life Bilbo had been granted with. As his fingers slipped from Thorin’s he said softly. “If things were different, I would have enjoyed a happy ending, til the end of my days.”

“You will. You have to believe that.”

Bilbo gave a nod and left. He left.

It took Thorin a minute, two minutes, three. His heart still drumming, his soul weeping. Bilbo had just confessed his love for him and had left. He had allowed him to leave. He-

Thorin ran out of the room. Whatever Bilbo was planning, he was going to stop it.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The man had been waiting for Bilbo in the same spot he had been with Frodo during the day. Soon as Bilbo was within reach he grabbed him, his long fingers wrapping around Bilbo’s mouth and squeezing down so hard it bruised. He jerked Bilbo like a dog over to a dirty alley where he was thrown against a wall.

“How did it feel?” the man crouched down. When Bilbo didn’t answer he punched the wall next to the hobbit’s head causing the little one to flinch. “To have his prick inside you! How did it **FEEL**?!”

“That’s not what a dwarvish personal companion does!” Bilbo snapped.

“The fuck they don’t!” He slapped Bilbo hard making sparks of light go off in his vision. “How many times have you fucked him? Huh?” He knelt down and started to roughly undress Bilbo, his hands bruisingly hard as he shook and knocked Bilbo hard against the stone wall of the building they were against. Bilbo grabbed at his tunic and trousers trying to keep them on as the man growled. 

“Does he touch you often? Is that why you refuse me?!” He grabbed Bilbo’s face and forced him into a kiss ripping at the halfling’s clothing. Bilbo pulled back, spitting on the man earning him another, harder, hit.

“Even if my prince took me he would be a thousand times better a man and lover than you.” Bilbo hissed. 

“Empty words. You’ve never had better than me.” The human grabbed Bilbo’s groin. “And because of the hurtful things you have said and done. I think you deserve to be punished. How old is that hot little piece of ass neph-”

Bilbo lashed out with his foot right when the man was yanked back. The halfing’s foot, aimed for his knee went straight into his crotch. The man yawled, curled up, on his back.

“You okay? Did he hurt you?” 

Kili. What was Kili doing here? 

Kili’s boot tip went right into the man’s side before he marched over to Bilbo, looking at his face. The youth raged. He screamed a shout that made Bilbo flinch which only seemed to anger Kili even more. He let out a string of curses as he prowled a tight circle around the man. Whenever the man tried to move Kili would just kick him harder than before immobilizing him for a moment longer.

What was Kili waiting for?

Heavy footsteps soon came. Bilbo looked at the mouth of the alley, a lantern light bright. He covered his face and pulled himself into a tight ball. No. No one should see him like this.

“Mahal...” Two dwarrow pulled at Bilbo, forcing him to uncurl. Fili and Dis.

“Did he touch you?” Fili’s voice was so gentle. He gently touched one of the blossoming bruises in the shape of a hand.

Bilbo nodded.

“You son of a bitch!” Fili stood up quickly. He grabbed the man’s coat by one shoulder, Kili grabbing the other side. “What do you say brother?”

“I say he did exactly what we wanted him to do.” Kili spat at the ground. “Mahal crush your soul because we won’t be as gentle.”

As they dragged him out Dis took off her cloak and wrapped it around Bilbo. She helped him stand up and held onto his shoulders as the gentle soothing words she spoke slipped over his numb ears.

“Bilbo...” Thorin’s voice pulling his attention from the ground. No... no. He didn’t want Thorin to see him like this. Not Thorin. But the dwarf was there. Hands gentle on his chin. His eyes looking over Bilbo. He pushed back the cloak to see torn clothes and bruised skin. Thorin looked to Dis. She nodded in the direction Fili and Kili went.

“Take him to Óin.” Thorin said before running after his nephews.

Óin was a good man. An even better doctor. He was thorough after what Dis had told him, making sure to see if Bilbo had been violated incase the hobbit saw fit not to reveal everything. After the doctor was done and Bilbo was given a new set of clothing, the hobbit found himself seated in Fili’s sitting room. It was a comforting place for him to be. Fili... Fili had become his first true friend, even before Dori, Nori, and Ori.

“Have something to eat dear.” Dis placed down a basket of freshly baked goods. How long had they been here? If she had enough time to go to the kitchens and have the staff cook all that... it must have been hours.

Bilbo shook his head.

Dis sighed. This situation... she had never been in it before. She knew how to mend a broken heart not a shattered soul. “I’ll get you something to drink.”

When she left, the silence was a relief to Bilbo. No sounds of sex. No smells of it. No shouts or screams. No begging to be released so he could collect his pay and leave. He reached forward, taking a sweet bun from the top of the basket and held it. The warmth was nice. The smell was nice.

He looked around the room. He didn’t know if he really was there or not. What if he was just imagining everything and he was actually still in the alley? 

“Is he in here?” 

“I’m here, sir.” Bilbo quickly stood up.

Fili, Kili, and Thorin came in, nearly tumbling over themselves to see him. All three of them were coated in blood, grit and grime. Bilbo looked them up and down. “I will call for bath water immediately.” 

“W-no!” Fili stopped Bilbo. He put his hands on Bilbo’s shoulders. “Bilbo, no.”

The hobbit’s eyes darted from each dwarf. Their faces so gentle despite the grisly paint. He had done that to them. He had tainted them. He had lead them to murder. His bottom lip quivered.

“I-... use me.”

“What?” Kili voiced all three of them.

“When his body is discovered the people will want an answer. We will tell the public it was I. We tell them of my deplorable past that was kept secret from you and-”

“We were within our right.” Thorin growled.

“But you killed him, mores the pity it was not grisly enough.” Bilbo pushed out surprising them a little. 

Thorin took Bilbo from Fili’s hold. He looked into the hobbit’s eyes for a long time. Assessing. Figuring out that Bilbo was in shock. He was trying to hold onto what little strand of sanity he had by placing him in a mindset that allowed him to detach. It was something he had done himself many times after the tragedies that had befallen his family. 

Gently, he explained, appealing to Bilbo’s current mindset. “You, as the personal companion to a prince, fall under our protection. Our laws state that if harm is befallen upon you, punishment is sought and dealt by caretakers of the ward. Death is acceptable for attempted rape.”

Bilbo swallowed. “Trouble will not befall any of you?”

“No.”

Bilbo blinked several times. His shoulders trembling slightly. “Sir?”

“Yes?” Fili asked softly, placing a hand to Bilbo’s back.

“May I speak as a friend?”

“Of course, of course.”

“I’m sorry.” Bilbo’s voice broke as large pearls of tears fell down his cheeks. “I am so sorry. He said he would take Frodo and I knew what he would do to my boy. I-I couldn’t-” He looked to Kili. “If you had not been there...” He moved slowly, wrapping his arms around Kili like a scared child.

“Hey, hey.” Kili hugged the hobbit. “It’s okay. He’s gone. He’s gone. Shhh, shhh.”

“He was saying he would take Frodo even though I was complying!” Bilbo wailed, squeezing out the words like infection to a rotten wound. “He was going to touch my baby!!”

“He’s right.” Thorin said darkly to Fili. “We didn’t kill him grisly enough.”


	6. To this Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end of this short story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope everyone has enjoyed this story.
> 
> There is a mythology of Svarflami, who caught two dwarves Dvalin and Durin, whom were brothers. So I integrated it.

In the morning Bilbo had been confronted by a frantic Dori and Ori. The gifts he had left were things that Ori always asked for but could never afford, and Dori, he got all of Bilbo’s savings, enough to keep him and their family well off for years to come. As Bilbo only spent money on necessity and very little extravagance on birthday presents, he had saved plenty from his handsome pay for his job. Fili and Kili had received fine things as well. Kili an elvish bow of the finest crafting, Fili had gotten a book. The pages written out in Bilbo’s hands. He had left every secret he had kept inside, entrusted them to his best friend, answering all questions of his past and explaining the way he was. It ended with letters that Bilbo had written to him, each one kind and guiding for him to use as reference in his years as king.

Dori and Ori became understandably upset when they saw the state their hobbit-brother had been in.

“I hoped you made his death linger!” Dori snapped as he fussed around the room. Today he was taking over Bilbo’s duties, the hobbit taken to rest.

Fili, swallowed as he read over another letter. So well thought out. So kind. Bilbo knew he would not be by Fili’s side for as long as desired. Hobbits simply did not live as long as dwarves and even then Fili was significantly young in dwarven years. This was... Bilbo had meant to give it to him upon his death bed.

The prince put down the papers and covered his face with a hand. His eyes stung, his throat burned, and he couldn’t unclench his teeth. Bilbo... When he had went to that man, he had no intent of coming back. The hobbit had been resigned to his death. It made everything so much worse to Fili. And it only made him hurt even more to reflect upon how his personal companion was ready to take the blame for a murder on his behalf, to become an escape goat.

“Fili, my boy.” Dori touched Fili’s back, his voice soft.

Fili took in a deep breath in through his nose trying to calm himself, but his tears came out anyway. “I’m alright.” He wiped at his face, his tongue darting out to wet his dry lips. “I...” He barked out a broken laugh. “Look at me. The heir to the throne, sobbing like a small dwarfling that just had their friend move away.”

Dori took a small stool and pulled it beside Fili, taking a seat he looked at the youth. “To be honest, when I saw the money... I paniked. Frodo was waiting by the door and I became so scared to find Bilbo’s things untouched... It... it was too much like when Nori does not come home.”

“How do you do it?” Fili asked letting out another huffed breath trying to collect himself. “To not have him come home and know that he’s safe. I... If any of my family left, Bilbo included, and didn’t come back...”

Dori’s old eyes showed a strength that Fili tried to borrow when the dwarf took his hands. “You put your faith in them. You watch out for them and care for them as much as you can. I may be a nag but Nori and Ori know I love them as much as anyone could love them.”

“What if they never come back? What if no word ever reaches you to where they are?”

“Then I find them. I look, I search, I gather information even if it means doing things that no respectable dwarf would do to find them.” The hardness in his tone told Fili he had already done such a thing for Nori. 

Dori patted and rubbed Fili’s hands and smiled. “Besides, you knew what to do. Setting yourself out onto a patrol with your mother and Kili at night when you knew Bilbo was to make his move. You were ahead of the game, you persevered.”

“It should have never gotten to that point.” Fili bowed his head. “I had hope that Bilbo would have told us, would have tried to get our help.”

“He tried, in his own way. He gave us signs, we knew them but we did not know what to see. Now we do and it will never happen again.” Dori stood up. “Now, no more doubt. We have our hobbit. He will need much care to recover but he has a good family and the best of friends that all of middle-earth has to offer. Today we let him rest, tomorrow we shall help mend him. Perhaps you can think of a good way to do that.”

Fili nodded. Dori was right. And planning on how to help Bilbo served to be a good distraction from his thoughts.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bilbo was cooking. He cooked, and cooked, and cooked. Pots stewed, kettles boiled, bowls of meat soaked in crushed piles of fruit and spices and juices. He had rolls of pastries ranging from savory breads to sweet and flaky crusts. 

He had slept throughout the day after Ori and Dori made sure he was well and in one piece. Ori took Frodo to care for and promised he would keep the boy happy and distracted while Bilbo took some much needed rest. The personal companion had fallen asleep in one of Fili’s chairs only to have been moved to the prince’s bed. When he had to engage his studies Bilbo had groggily excused himself only to have been taken by Kili to be tucked in the dark prince’s room. There he fell asleep in another soft bed and clung onto Kili like a child to his mother’s skirts. They both slept through the day and woke in the night having missed dinner. 

When they got up out of bed the prince stayed with him and he enjoyed it. After what Kili had done he gave a subconscious calm to Bilbo. He was safety not only for Bilbo but for Frodo as well.

They ventured to the familiar kitchen that Bilbo had grown accustomed to and found Thorin, deep in thought once more and they joined him. All three just working in the kitchen. It was, to Bilbo, perfect. It felt like... like home.

“So..” Kili spoke up. His long hair tied up and pinned in messy tresses trying to keep the locks out of his face. “How long do I have to knead this?”

“For another ten minutes.” Thorin said as he worked his own ball of dough.

“Baking is hard.” Kili mumbled as he stuck his tongue out the corner of his mouth and continued to work.

“Then I suspect you will give Bombur a less of a hard time the next time you see our royal chef.” Thorin smirked.

“You kidding me? That guy has nothing but respect from me now.” He looked up from his dough ball to Bilbo who was flipping some meat in a skillet. “What did you call this again Bilbo?”

“Well,” Bilbo said softly. His voice had remained tiny since yesterday. “It has many names, sir. But what we call it in the Shire is Harvest Pie as we have put vegetables in it when it originally only had meat.”

“What other names does it have?” 

“Wild Hunt Cake. Hunter’s Mead-”

“Hunter’s Mead? Why call it that?”

Bilbo rolled it around in his head. “From what I remember... there was a legend that hunters would not eat all of it and would then ferment the breads and make mead out of the leftovers, sir.” 

“As much as I like mead, that sounds gross.” Kili wrinkled his nose.

“The smell would have been atrocious, I would imagine, sir.” 

The conversation continued like this for a long time. Little things to just keep the room filled with noise. While things cooked they would take a break and drink some of the shire tea that Bilbo made and snack on samples of what they were cooking. Finally everything had been finished. Dawn would break in just a few hours and their feast had been completed. Though... they didn’t know exactly what to do with it. They had been cooking just for the fun of it.

“Kili,” Thorin took a rag and started to clean off the center counter in the kitchen. “Go fetch your brother, Dori, Ori, and Frodo.”

“Extremely late night dinner or a very early breakfast. Good idea.” Kili smiled and scuttled out of the kitchens.

Bilbo started to get out of his seat when Thorin stopped him. “We will all eat in here.”

“Of course, sir.”

“Bilbo?”

“Yes, sir?”

“When we’re in the kitchen or alone, you are not to address me as such.” Thorin started setting up stools around the counter, giving Bilbo a glare any time the hobbit tried to get up out of his seat to help. “Especially not after what you did.”

“I apologize.”

“You don’t know what I’m talking about do you?”

Bilbo looked sheepish and shook his head.

“I’m not surprised. Kissing would be the last thing on your mind, given events.”

Bilbo felt his cheeks flush. Oh. Yes.

Thorin moved beside Bilbo, leaning back against the counter and crossing his ankles and folding his arms. He looked down at the hobbit who looked back up at him. He smiled a little and unfurled an arm to touch a lock of curly hair. “You liked cooking with us. That is good.”

“It... was very nice.”

Thorin shook his head. “That’s not what you wanted to say. I would rather have you talk freely with me Bilbo Baggins. Before you are Fili’s personal companion, I regard you as my friend.” He nudged Bilbo’s stool with one of his feet. “And if you allow it, over time, I would like to see if we could be more.”

Bilbo felt his heart clench. “But...” He sighed and touched his face, wincing when he pressed his fingers against a bruise. “Why would you want something like me? I dare say I’m not smart, I’m a hideous thing, soiled myself beyond compare, and much more.”

“Do you think I am incapable of making a decision?” That came out a little harsher than he wanted it to.

“No! Never.” Bilbo looked at Thorin. “You are a very good king, you have done nothing but good to your people and family-”

“Then let me continue to make the right choice.” Thorin smiled and ran his hand through Bilbo’s hair enjoying the soft locks. “I have always said you are a good advisor, but for once let me give you something to listen to. You are a very smart man. You are handsome and desired by many even when you do not try. Many dwarves have spoken about you in... such ways that I do not appreciate and have to make them hold their tongue because I...” He cleared his throat, might as well get it out. “I do get jealous. And believe me when I say, you do not spoil yourself when you do things out of love. When it is truly for love, not out of some misconception of it. Your hand was forced because you love your nephew. To me... it’s the most beautiful thing.”

Bilbo’s face continued to grow redder with every word Thorin spoke, the bruises on his face standing out in odd shapes.

“I...” Thorin’s hand moved from Bilbo’s hair to his neck, careful of all the bruises. “All I ask halfling, is to allow me in. Let me aid you as you have aided me all these years, slowly showing me how to smile and be open.”

“I will need time.” Bilbo said softly.

“And I will be here. But Bilbo... remember, to heal from this wound that you have had for so long... you will need to want it to be healed.”

Then Bilbo smiled. “Very good advise.”

Thorin leaned forward and kissed Bilbo’s forehead. The hobbit stiffened, but still leaned into the chaste kiss.

The kitchen door opened and Fili came stumbling in rubbing at an eye looking disheveled. “Heard there was some special food made out of unicorns and selkie.”

Thorin chuckled. “The things Kili tells you in order to get you out of bed.”

Fili knocked his knees into a stool before sitting in it and slumped over, leaning heavily against Bilbo. “I never tasted a rainbow before.”

Bilbo wrapped an arm around the prince’s shoulders and helped him sit up straighter. Fili was very much not a morning person. “I hope it will be to your liking.”

“I like everything.” He yawned, leaning back against Bilbo. “Everything Bilbo does. Don’t tell Bilbo about the surprise, Kili.” And Fili fell asleep against Bilbo’s shoulder, face buried in his neck.

“Well now. He’s said many things before in his sleep when trying to wake but never something like this.” Bilbo tried hard to keep Fili from falling backwards. 

“Try to act surprised.”

“Is it really made out of Warg?” Frodo’s voice traveled in when the door opened again. Kili holding the boy’s hand.

“Only this one glove and your uncle made it just for me because I helped him get out of that nasty crevice and get to safety.” Kili took off one of his ordinary gloves and handed it to Frodo to look over. 

“How did you survive?” Frodo looked it over with huge eyes. “Well, Fili and Uncle Thorin came to my rescue and we were able to defeat the evil Warg. But remember, the warg was mean and nasty and bruised your uncle rather good. So be gentle when you hug him.” Kili then slipped the large glove over the boy’s hand.

“I will!”

Bilbo blinked as he watched the rest of their company come in, including Dis who looked as tired as Fili. That was certainly an interesting cover story to give to Frodo, it saved him from having to think up a reason why he had bruises littering his body.

“What was this I heard about ground Pixie Pie?” Dis said as she sat next to her brother.

“What do you tell people?” Bilbo finally asked Kili as the youth sat next to Fili and took over supporting the sleeping blond so that Bilbo could pick up Frodo and hug the boy.

“Things that will get them out of bed.”

“Luckily for him we were already awake.” Ori said. “Nori came home and we just put him to bed when Kili came to collect us. Nori would like us to bring him back some.”

“He’s safe and sound?” Bilbo asked as plates started to be passed around.

“Very. Just tired.”

“I gave him extra hugs and kisses like you said to.” Frodo piped up. Looking at his uncle’s face. “Wow...” He poked one of the bruises causing Bilbo’s eye to water as he tried not to flinch. “Did you really punch a Warg?”

Bilbo looked at Kili and felt his mouth turn up, the smile easy as they all sat together, a good family. “I suppose I did.”

“I want to punch a Warg!” Frodo chimed. “I would punch him with my bow and two swords and-”

“Hey, hey, no punching wargs at the table.” Kili said slapping Fili’s cheek to get the blond to wake up. “Brother, you’re worse than mother and she already fell asleep in her plate.”

Sure enough, Dis was asleep in her plate.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you sure?” Thorin asked as he looked between Bilbo and Nori.

“Very. The Dvalin family that came here... they have the ties.” Nori said stuffing his pipe. “I say let the boy court the girl.”

“These ties... what do you mean?” Bilbo asked.

Thorin ran a thoughtful hand over his beard. “Legend goes... there was a human hero by the name of Svafrlami had caught two dwarven brothers by the names of Dvalin and Durin. He forced them to forge a sword like no other for him. They did, but Dvalin and Durin, being the first of their kind, had magic and made a cursed sword that would bring folly upon whoever had the blade. This is the only story we have of Dvalin. Durin founded our race. Dvalin simply disappeared and by all rights should be royalty.”

“Could they have not changed their names?” Bilbo asked.

“No. Only a handful of people know this story. The line of Durin save for Fili and Kili, their studies not have reached that far back into our history yet, as well as the head shaperate.”

“Then how does Nori know?” Bilbo looked to his dwarven brother who had a knowing smile.

He looked between Thorin and Nori. “You... Thorin had already employed your services. Why did you not tell me? And why did you, Thorin, continue to make me do this job?”

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t need to.” Nori sucked on his pipe, blowing out a ring of smoke.

Thorin simply waved a hand to Nori, “Thank you.”

Nori winked and clapped Bilbo on the back and sauntered out of the room. “Play nice. Oh, and Dori says we’re having elven tonight. Think he’s trying to spoil you and Frodo.”

Once Nori was out of the room and the door closed Bilbo looked up at Thorin indignantly. “You. You- Why?! I could have been doing my rightful job this whole time. My duty falls to-”

Thorin chuckled. “Don’t be angry with me my hobbit.” Thorin ran a hand through Bilbo’s increasingly curly hair. “It was selfish of me, but... I did not know how to request your attention. I had wanted to spend time with you and that was the only way I had known how, plus it allowed me to watch you work. It was why you will be appointed advisor when Fili is crowned.”

“You are quite handsome.” Thorin murmured.

“Now-now just a moment. I am on duty, Thorin, sir, I, sire.”

The dwarf smiled more. “Then tell your master that I want him to be catious but he may court the lass he has in his sights. Nori has already gathered enough evidence, if she concents and is a decent person then we will submit the proof of royalty to the Hall of Memory and allow them to marry.”

“Over time, I dare say. Rushing into a marriage is never good.”

“I agree...” Thorin leaned forward and kissed Bilbo’s forehead. “In time. I would like your permission to court you properly. I would have the bruising gone from your body and your hair in tighter curls than Frodo’s before I do.”

Bilbo let out a laugh. An actual laugh. It was beautiful. A wonderful spell to we cast in the air. “No hobbit will ever have tighter curls than that boy.”

Thorin grabbed Bilbo, his own face lighted up like a young boy. “Do that again.”

“Do what?”

“You laughed.” Thorin’s grin was so bright that Bilbo was worried that he may have trouble seeing later. “Please, just once more. I would even attempt a terrible joke, the first time in my life, if it would make you laugh once more.”

This did make Bilbo laugh again. The idea of Thorin even saying that was funny but to have him actually say it sent a message to his little soul, half curled in darkness. It said to come out, to play, to laugh and learn, to love and cherish.

And over time it did.

Bilbo’s hair did end up becoming crueler than Frodo’s. Thorin asked him for courtship which lead to awkward double dates with Fili and his dwarrowdam. Which to even Thorin after getting to know her was frighteningly similar to Kili in every way besides having hazel eyes and not just pure brown eyes. To Thorin’s dismay she was just as mischievous, trusting, and sweet hearted as his cherished nephew and he worried countless times what the children would be like. But... With how Frodo grew up, taken under Kili’s wing as a warrior and following in Ori’s knowledgeable footsteps. He knew that everything would be okay.

And when Thorin finally wed his hobbit, the kingdom was a great one.

To this day, the line of Durin tells of this story, to teach children’s words hurt and the youths of our days must be taught respect early. That when someone is different you listen to their story. And if someone comes to your door in need, you are to let them in, give them food and clothes, for that person may just be Bilbo Baggins coming in for a visit, to see how the kingdom is faring.

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone for reading. You're all so lovely.


End file.
